I’ve been working on my mental health, and I wanted to reach out to you all to explain a few things.

Last week, I posted a photo with the caption, “I’m sorry I don’t talk to you anymore. My anxiety told me that you hated me.” This was a reflection of how my anxiety can sometimes make me feel like everyone hates me, even when there’s no evidence to support that.

 I just wanted to start by saying that I have ADHD, which means that I have a hard time focusing on one thing at a time. This can sometimes lead me to start working on something and then move on to something else without finishing the first thing. I also sometimes have to say something in the moment, and I apologize if I cut you off or move on from what you’re talking about to what I want to talk about.

I know that this can be frustrating, and I’m working on it. I’m trying to be more mindful of my attention and to listen more carefully to what other people are saying. Even if I have to get out what I’m thinking, I’m trying to remember to come back to what you were talking about.  

 I also found out that I have bipolar disorder. For me, this means that I experience periods of mania and depression. During my manic episodes, I feel energetic, productive, and happy. I may write 5,000 words in a day, clean the house, and cook elaborate meals. I might even bake. 

Depression is the opposite of mania. During my depressive episodes, I feel sad, tired, and hopeless. I may have trouble sleeping or concentrating. I may also lose interest in activities I used to enjoy.

 During my depressive episodes, I don’t get as down as some people do, but I still get down. Most of the time, this means that I don’t want to do anything. I force myself to get out of bed and work, but I don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything else. The things that need to get done get done, but the extras don’t. By extras, I mean talking to friends, writing, or cleaning the house the way it should be cleaned.

 I have never felt like I was good enough. This has caused me to have problems in the past, especially with friendships. I have always said that I would never give up on a friend, but this has backfired on me. I think I used to talk to my friends too much, which came across as clingy. I just wanted to show them that I didn’t forget about them and that they were important to me.

Since then, I have stepped back and tried to be more mindful of my interactions with others. I know that not everyone is going to like me, and that’s okay. But it’s still hard for me to accept that. Because of this, I have been hesitant to reach out to people in my life, role-play, or chat with people I enjoy talking to. It takes me a while to feel comfortable and to be able to make new friends, and this has made it even more difficult for me.

The writing community can be especially difficult, as it’s very competitive. It can be hard to tell if someone is giving you genuine advice or if they’re just trying to sell you something. This has made me even more hesitant to reach out to people in the writing community.

I’m working on this, though. I’m trying to be more confident and to believe in myself. I know that I have a lot to offer, and I’m starting to realize that not everyone is going to see that. But that’s okay. I’m still worthy of love and friendship, even if not everyone sees it.

I know that I sometimes take things personally, and I’m working on that. I know this is a problem for me, and I want to be better at it.

If you’re my friend and you want to talk more or become better friends, please let me know. I know that my mind can sometimes make me think that no one wants to be my friend, but that’s not true. I want to be friends with you, and I want to make sure that we’re both happy in our friendship.

If I talk to you too much, just let me know. You can say something like, “Hey, I love talking to you, but I’m super busy right now.” I’ll understand, and I’ll back off.

Either way, we need to be honest with each other. If I do something that offends or bothers you, please tell me. I’ll do my best not to take it personally, and I’ll work on changing my behavior.

And if I don’t talk to you all that much, just let me know that you want to talk to me. I’ll make an effort to reach out more often.

I think a lot of people have this fear of being rejected or abandoned, and I’m no exception. But I’m working on it, and I’m getting better.

I’m also in therapy, and I’m talking to my therapist about this. She’s helping me to understand why I take things so personally, and she’s giving me tools to help me cope with my anxiety.

I wanted to be open about this because I think it’s important to talk about our mental health. We all have our own struggles, and it’s okay to ask for help.

If you’re struggling with anything, please don’t be afraid to reach out. There are people who care about you and want to help.