My Ramblings

My Mom’s Best Friend

/ Nancy Ann Creed / Leave a comment
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My son recently asked me about going to church more regularly. Realizing that I hadn’t been attending as often as I’d like, I started looking for a new church community after our move. I found a group that seems to be a good fit and plan to attend tomorrow morning. I’ve invited my daughter to join me, explaining how important the church community was to me, especially during a difficult time in my life.

My mom’s best friend,  Marjorie Erikson, was the pastor of our church. She was an incredibly supportive and amazing woman of Christ. Without her help, I’m not sure how we would have gotten through that period. The church truly became our family.

While talking to my daughter about church, I started thinking about Marjorie. She might not have realized how much she meant to my mom, but to my mom, she was her best friend. Marjorie was amazing and always there for us, even after my mom passed away. She attended my wedding and my daughter’s baptism.

I’ve been feeling emotional today because I just found out in 2016 that she passed away. She was always on my mind, and I wondered if she was still alive or if I could reach out to her family. I wanted to talk to someone who embodied the love and acceptance that God teaches us. She was a light in this world, someone who loved everyone unconditionally.

Her example motivates me to be a better person. While I’m not a pastor, I believe that we should focus on showing love and acceptance to others, rather than judging them or excluding them. That’s not what God wants.

I learned from Marjorie’s obituary that she had been battling cancer for over three decades. This made me realize why my mom and Margaret were so close. My mom also fought cancer, unfortunately passing away in 1990. It was incredibly painful to know that Marjorie had been dealing with this for so long, especially given how quickly my mom succumbed to the disease. It’s a testament to her strength that she was able to fight for 30 years. While it’s difficult to understand why things happen, I’m grateful for the time we had with her and the impact she had on our lives.

Even though it’s been years, I wrote an obituary for her family to see. I’m not sure if they will receive it since so much time has passed. I wanted to express my gratitude for her friendship and the impact she had on my life. I hope her family sees it and knows how much she meant to me. Her legacy is something that everyone should strive for. She was a truly remarkable person.

To Marjorie Erikson and her family,

I know it’s been a long time, and our lives have taken different paths. I wanted to express my deepest gratitude for everything you and Majorie did for my mom during her illness and after she passed. Your support was invaluable to me and my brother. Mom couldn’t have asked for a better friend than Marjorie. Your kindness and generosity will always be remembered. 

Rev. Marjorie Eriksen Faithfully served churches throughout New Jersey Rev. Marjorie Eriksen, 74, a retired, ordained Elder in the United Methodist Church, went on to be with the Lord on Tuesday, Oct. 11, 2016, after battling cancer for three decades. A wake will be held at the funeral home of Burroughs, Kohr & Dangler, located at 106 Main St., Madison, N.J., on Thursday, Oct. 20, from 12 noon to 2 p.m., with additional hours from 5 to 8 p.m. on that same day. Marjorie’s funeral will be held the following day, Friday, Oct. 21, at 10 a.m., at Morristown United Methodist Church, 50 South Park Place, Morristown, N.J. Marjorie was born in Staten Island, N.Y., on Dec. 8, 1941, the day after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. Her beloved parents, Lewis and Edith Gott, named her Marjorie, which means “Pearl.” Marjorie earned her B.A. from Hunter College in 1964 and her master of divinity degree from Drew Theological School in 1984. During her years of active ministry, Marjorie faithfully served churches in Gladstone, Mendham, Elizabeth, Bayonne, Mount Tabor, and Bloomingdale, N.J., prior to her retirement in 2012. Marjorie is survived by her beloved husband, Neil; her son, Christopher; her daughter-in-law, Rev. Jean Arlea Eriksen, who is also an ordained Elder in the United Methodist Church, and her sister, Judy, and her son, Gregory. Marjorie’s family requests that donations in lieu of flowers be made to the ministry and missions of the Morristown United Methodist Church, where Marjorie assisted her friend and colleague in ministry, Rev. Dr. Brandon Cho, during her years of retirement.

Friends and My Mental Health

/ Nancy Ann Creed / 7 Comments
Photo by FUTURE KIIID on Pexels.com (I chose this photo because it is peaceful.)

I’ve been working on my mental health, and I wanted to reach out to you all to explain a few things.

Last week, I posted a photo with the caption, “I’m sorry I don’t talk to you anymore. My anxiety told me that you hated me.” This was a reflection of how my anxiety can sometimes make me feel like everyone hates me, even when there’s no evidence to support that.

 I just wanted to start by saying that I have ADHD, which means that I have a hard time focusing on one thing at a time. This can sometimes lead me to start working on something and then move on to something else without finishing the first thing. I also sometimes have to say something in the moment, and I apologize if I cut you off or move on from what you’re talking about to what I want to talk about.

I know that this can be frustrating, and I’m working on it. I’m trying to be more mindful of my attention and to listen more carefully to what other people are saying. Even if I have to get out what I’m thinking, I’m trying to remember to come back to what you were talking about.  

 I also found out that I have bipolar disorder. For me, this means that I experience periods of mania and depression. During my manic episodes, I feel energetic, productive, and happy. I may write 5,000 words in a day, clean the house, and cook elaborate meals. I might even bake. 

Depression is the opposite of mania. During my depressive episodes, I feel sad, tired, and hopeless. I may have trouble sleeping or concentrating. I may also lose interest in activities I used to enjoy.

 During my depressive episodes, I don’t get as down as some people do, but I still get down. Most of the time, this means that I don’t want to do anything. I force myself to get out of bed and work, but I don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything else. The things that need to get done get done, but the extras don’t. By extras, I mean talking to friends, writing, or cleaning the house the way it should be cleaned.

 I have never felt like I was good enough. This has caused me to have problems in the past, especially with friendships. I have always said that I would never give up on a friend, but this has backfired on me. I think I used to talk to my friends too much, which came across as clingy. I just wanted to show them that I didn’t forget about them and that they were important to me.

Since then, I have stepped back and tried to be more mindful of my interactions with others. I know that not everyone is going to like me, and that’s okay. But it’s still hard for me to accept that. Because of this, I have been hesitant to reach out to people in my life, role-play, or chat with people I enjoy talking to. It takes me a while to feel comfortable and to be able to make new friends, and this has made it even more difficult for me.

The writing community can be especially difficult, as it’s very competitive. It can be hard to tell if someone is giving you genuine advice or if they’re just trying to sell you something. This has made me even more hesitant to reach out to people in the writing community.

I’m working on this, though. I’m trying to be more confident and to believe in myself. I know that I have a lot to offer, and I’m starting to realize that not everyone is going to see that. But that’s okay. I’m still worthy of love and friendship, even if not everyone sees it.

I know that I sometimes take things personally, and I’m working on that. I know this is a problem for me, and I want to be better at it.

If you’re my friend and you want to talk more or become better friends, please let me know. I know that my mind can sometimes make me think that no one wants to be my friend, but that’s not true. I want to be friends with you, and I want to make sure that we’re both happy in our friendship.

If I talk to you too much, just let me know. You can say something like, “Hey, I love talking to you, but I’m super busy right now.” I’ll understand, and I’ll back off.

Either way, we need to be honest with each other. If I do something that offends or bothers you, please tell me. I’ll do my best not to take it personally, and I’ll work on changing my behavior.

And if I don’t talk to you all that much, just let me know that you want to talk to me. I’ll make an effort to reach out more often.

I think a lot of people have this fear of being rejected or abandoned, and I’m no exception. But I’m working on it, and I’m getting better.

I’m also in therapy, and I’m talking to my therapist about this. She’s helping me to understand why I take things so personally, and she’s giving me tools to help me cope with my anxiety.

I wanted to be open about this because I think it’s important to talk about our mental health. We all have our own struggles, and it’s okay to ask for help.

If you’re struggling with anything, please don’t be afraid to reach out. There are people who care about you and want to help.

Friendship

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I wrote this several years ago, but it still rings true today. If I could give you nothing but my friendship, who would be my friend? Circumstances have changed since I wrote this, but the bottom line is still the same.

If all you offered was friendship, who could you still call your friend?    When I was little, my mother told me if you could count on your hand five good friends you are a wealthy person. I have this need to want everyone to like me. I kept giving things to others to make them happy, but never thinking of myself. My own self-worth was based on how many friends I had, but were they truly my friends? 

So, then I ask you, what does it mean to be a friend? If the only thing I offered is my friendship, who will still be your friend? 

I realized this over this past week. You see, my friends and I ran a roleplay group on Facebook. For those of you who don’t know, a roleplay group is when you write as a particular character. You create plots with your friends and think as your character thinks. I loved it. It helped me become a better writer and helped me work out different ideas for stories. It’s hard to keep a fake life up when your real life is too busy. So, after 3 years, we have closed the doors to this group. Being an admin, writing plots for people, and regulating the group was becoming a burden when it used to be for fun.

Each one of us was afraid to speak about it. We thought we would let the other admins down if we confessed this.  Having a full-time job, three kids, and keeping the group was overwhelming.  My kids are in sports, scouts and still need help with their homework. Others on the admin team were busy with school and work and were thinking of leaving. The team moved on and created something smaller. Something that will be easier to manage. 

We had the group for 3 years. Do you still consider me a friend when I do not have a group to offer you? When friendship is all, I can offer you, will you still be my friend? 

Help With Marketing Please

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Photo by Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash

I need help marketing and none of my books are selling and I am at a loss. 

As a writer, we need to specialize in many things. We need to tell interesting stories, use proper grammar, have captivating covers and then market our books. I struggle with marketing. 

I have put so much time and money into my books that I don’t see a point anymore. It is not about making money; it’s about sharing my story. Of course, making money would be nice, but I want people to read my works. I want people to experience the worlds I have created. 

So, I am at a loss. I have many ideas for future books, but I am finding it difficult to keep going. I have a full-time job, and a family, and although I would love to stay at home and write, that is not something I can do right now. Plus, I love being a teacher. 

In the past, people have told me to make a Facebook page, put your book on these sites, and share your work. I have done those things and I am still not selling my books. What have you done to market your books? Have you hired a professional? I would appreciate any advice.

If you are a teacher, principal or someone who interacts with children, never do this ever!

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This is the first time I am really speaking out about this.

Years ago, I lived in Bayonne, NJ and went to Lincoln Community School. Each year the principal would come into our classroom. He proceeded to call us to the front and read our report cards to the class before handing them to us.  

I struggled when I was in elementary school. My mom was sick with Ovarian cancer and died when I was 11 years old. I was in 5th grade at the time but for four years before that she was sick at home. I struggled with getting my work done and especially had a difficult time with math.

I remember his words, “Oh Nancy seems like you’re failing math again. Mom and dad won’t be happy you need to work on that.”

It took everything in my soul not to flip out on him. So, I wanted to say to that principal who thought he knew everything and loved to embarrass children at their most vulnerable, “Hey ******* I am teaching math now! Now tell me about failing math!”

The moral of the story: If you are a teacher, principal or someone who interacts with children, never do this ever! Someone like me looked at it as a challenge, but I dealt with anxiety Adn self-doubt for my entire life. Others were not as lucky as I was.

Women Need to Support Other Women

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Women rarely support each other.  It is hard to find women that support each other.  

When I was in school, kids bullied me.  My mom was the sick mom with cancer and we didn’t have a lot of money, My clothes were old and torn. Since then I had low self-esteem.

I found later that writing was something I loved. And when I found Roleplay,  I made friends fast, and I didn’t believe it. Someone told me I was their best friend, and I took a long time to believe it. Because who wants me as a best friend?

When it comes to Role Play, it seems a lot of women think they must be the center of attention.  In a role play, you can be anyone you want to be. I find people change who they are and use fake profiles because they are not happy with themselves.

Role Play is best when you let people be creative. We’ve had some awesome plots that were not created by admins. My friend Breen created two plots that were amazing. I know will blush if she reads this but its true. 

Women should be supporting each other and encouraging each other. We should take a step back and allow others to have the spotlight on them.

Of course, this goes beyond writing and role-playing and into everything we do. Women need to support each other and lift each other up instead of tearing each other down.

Check out Nancy’s latest book:

You’re in My Seat

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church

Photo by Karl Fredrickson on Unsplash

I had an interesting experience at church last week and it reminded me of these two stories I have heard pastors use for their sermons.

In the first story, a man is visiting a church. This man sat in a pew and a lady came up to him and said, “I’m sorry, but you are sitting in my pew.” This man got up and moved to another pew. Again, a man came up to him and said, “You’re sitting in my pew.” This happened several times before the man left the church. I have heard this story told by pastors with the message of welcoming new members.

There is another version of this story where the man sitting in everyone’s pew was a homeless man who smelled and wore torn clothes. At the end of this story, he came to the front of the church and said, “You asked me to move because I was sitting in your pew. I have sat in your pew and have died for your sins.” The man was Jesus. The Bible says giving to those in need is giving to Jesus. We should embrace people in need and welcome them.

When I went to church last weekend with my children, I had a similar experience. I drove into the parking lot and saw an open parking space. I drove in and parked, while a car came up next to mine and rolled down the window. A middle-aged woman was in the driver’s seat, so I assumed she needed directions or something.

So I asked, “Can I help you with anything?” What came next surprised both me and my children. She said, “It’s my parking spot. We only have six spots, so you need to move.”

I looked at her, confused for a moment, then I realized she was attending the church next to mine. So I replied, “Well, it’s a good thing I am not coming here to visit your church because I will never come back.” I then drove off and parked my car elsewhere.

The woman pulled out of the spot she was in and moved her car closer to her church. My kids caught this and said, “So she just pulled in next to you to tell you to move your car. Jesus will not like that.” And my kids are correct. What if someone was planning on visiting this church or someone thinking about becoming a Christian? That person may never want to visit another church or become a Christian if Christians treat others this way. My daughter said, “I guess that’s why they only have 6 parking spots; no one wants to go to their church. I love our church. Everyone is nice and friendly.”

People expect Christians to be perfect, but we are far from perfect. Sometimes it takes compassion and common sense. This woman didn’t have either. She taught my children a lesson. She taught them to always welcome others because they know what it feels to not be welcome. It might be a small thing, but for someone searching for a church or someone searching for God, it’s a big thing.

The Morning

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THE MORNING
The alarm resounds in my head, and I grumble and moan.
It pulls me from my slumber with a start.
My blankets wrapped around me keeping me warm as the cold morning air hits me.

I pull the covers over my head.
It can’t be morning already.
I want to hide from everyone and everything.
Just lay and look up at the ceiling and dream.

I want to hide from the world and pull the blankets closer.
The cold morning air wakes me, but I retreat under the covers.
Never leave the warmth and safety of the bed
Just lay and look up at the ceiling and dream.

I lay alone with all my thoughts,
The quiet in the morning
No one expecting anything from me
In this quiet time, oh the thoughts that come

Alas I must rise, each day the same
Running a race that never ends

Let me pull the covers back over my head.
The race never ends, just to take some days alone with my kids.
No work, no stress, just me and my kids.

42 Years Old

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Today is my birthday. I am 42 years old. 42 is an odd age for me. My mother died when she was 42. So remember tomorrow is not a guarantee. Live life as if it’s your last day. God said the greatest commandment is love. Don’t forget that!

To Buy or Lease?

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car

Need a new car? What do you do?  I faced the dilemma of needing a new car earlier this month. My old car served us well for many years but now we needed to fix it or get a new one. My old care was stalling when we stopped, so I brought it to our mechanic and we found the car had an oil leak, a transmission problem, and various other problems. We had to decide if it was worth it to pour more money into this car or use the money to put down on a car. We had a few things to consider. Do we look at used car lots, buy a car or lease one? 

I didn’t want to buy a used car. In the past, I had bad experiences with used cars, so I didn’t want to buy a used one.  When you buy a used car, most times you are just trading your car’s problems for someone else’s. The car needed to be reliable and safe. I knew I didn’t want a used car. 

My next question was whether to lease or buy. To answer this question, I had to weigh the pros and cons of each and decide what I can afford. First, when you buy a new car, your payments will be higher than that of a lease.  My insurance will be high both whether I lease or buy so I didn’t need to worry about that right now. Either way, I will have to pay for full coverage. When you buy a car, you can drive as many miles as you want. There is no mileage penalty. When your payments are over, you own the car. It is yours, not so when you lease a car. You can make any upgrades you want. When you lease a car, you can’t change anything. What you see if what you get. When you buy a car, any wear and tear on the car are yours. No one will charge you for these scratches, dents, and stains. 

Thinking of leasing a car? Sure the payments are lower, but when your lease is up, you don’t have a car. The car is not yours; it belongs to the dealership. You could lease a new car every 3 years. Drive a new car every 3 years.  Your car is under warranty for the entire length of your lease, so the dealership will cover anything that goes wrong with the car. You must pay for the maintenance of the car, the oil changes, brakes, and tires. So what do we do? Buy a car or lease one?

I wound up leasing a car as it was 200 dollars less a month to lease than to buy. I paid extra for scratch protection on the car. It is a sealant that goes on the outside and inside of the car. It could cover most scratches and stains. My plan is to drive a new car every 2 to 3 years. So far the car is amazing and since I had full coverage for my old car, my insurance didn’t go up all that much. Before buying or leasing a car, weigh the pros and cons of each and make the best-educated decision you can.