Self-doubt

Except Me

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Photo by Camila Quintero Franco on Unsplash

The path we walk, a winding road,
With companions, a merry load.
We laugh, we share, secrets untold,
But sometimes, friendships turn to cold.

Miles we travel, diverge and bend,
Dreams we chase may have no end.
New horizons, some yearn to see,
Leaving footprints where they used to be.

It’s not a failing, a flaw within,
Just life’s grand dance, a constant spin.
Bonds may loosen, some fade from sight,
But hold the memories, warm and bright.

New connections, yet to unfold,
Stories waiting, brave and bold.
Embrace the change, the ebb and flow,
Friendships blossom, some come and go.

There’s no blame in hearts that roam,
Growth requires a space to call your own.
So let them fly, on wings unfurled,
And know true friendships bless the world.

Grieve the loss, then mend your heart,
New chapters wait, a brand new start.
There’s nothing wrong, it’s simply true,
Lifelong friends may come in twos, but none for me.

The Shadow Creeps

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Photo by Rodrigo Souza on Pexels.com

A shadow creeps, it wraps me tight,
A whisper speaks, “You’re not quite right.”
They shine so bright, their laughter rings,
While doubt in me, a dark bird sings.

Their perfect worlds, on display they lay,
My flaws stand stark, in disarray.
I strive and climb, but never reach,
The summit seems forever out of reach.

Am I too loud, or much too still?
My words fall flat, or cause a chill.
Their easy grace, a foreign tongue,
My clumsy steps, forever sung.

But wait, a voice, a gentle hum,
A truth inside begins to come.
This yearning heart, these hands that mend,
My worth’s not found in how I blend.

The path I walk, uniquely mine,
My scars and stumbles, a strength that’s fine.
To chase the sun, and let it guide,
In my own light, with gentle pride.

Fear Not Being Good Enough

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Fuck you fear sign by Scott Webb is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0

The fear of being not good enough,
It sits like a weight on my chest,
It chokes my words, and makes my breath huff,
It’s a monster that I can’t defeat.

I want to write, but I’m afraid,
That my words will be empty and false,
That my thoughts will be just a waste,
That my poems will be nothing but cold.

So I sit here, and do nothing,
I let the fear consume me whole,
I let it win, and I let it rule,
I let it take my soul.

But I know that I can’t let it win,
I know that I have to try,
I know that I have to write my mind,
Even if my words are not pretty.

So I’ll take a deep breath,
And I’ll let my words flow free,
I’ll write from my heart, and from my soul,
And I’ll let the fear go.

Another One Hits the Road

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person holding red lipstick
Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com
Another one gone; another hits the road.
At some point they all go, no matter how hard you try.

Hold no, give up, move on,
The advice is all the same.
But the hurt never goes away.

Is there something wrong with me?
The fear of being pushed away.
The fear that I will be alone.

Now I am afraid to speak.
Now I am afraid to hold onto someone.
Afraid to love friends, and afraid to be truthful.

It’s a Curse

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Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
It is a curse,
To never think your good enough
To question everything
To not accept the good things in life as real.  

You wait for the bottom to fall out.
You wait for everyone to leave.
You anxiously see signs everywhere,
When nothing is wrong.

You question yourself with every task.
Did I write this right?
Did I say that right?
Did they understand me?

Never going with your gut
Never accepting you are talented
Never accepting yourself.

Tricks

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Made on Canva by Nancy Ann

Having an anxiety filled day. Need to get it all out in a poem.

Tricks
Those old feelings creep up.
The dread and desire to hide.
My heart races, and my mind wonders.

To run and hide, away from the pain
It is just my mind, is it real or just in my mind?
These thoughts keep coming, creeping up on me.

Are they real? Is what I am thinking real?
Of my anxiety playing tricks on me?

Life Changer

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Photo by Benjamin Davies on Unsplash
Remember you are just a number.
No matter how much you give, you are just a number
No matter how much time you give, you are just a number. 

Remember it is not about others. 
It is about the impact you make. 
It is about the lives you change

You might just be a number to them, 
But you are a life changer to others.

One Night

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Photo by Aliyah Jamous on Unsplash
One night, two people.
Calling me names, blasting me to others.

Some say it doesn’t matter.
I should forget it and move on.
It’s their loss and blah blah blah...

Bullshit!

Why does it hurt so badly if all these other people say it shouldn’t.
Why am I the target? Am I weak?
Why is it so hard to walk away? Why do I want to keep talking?

And why do I get so angry? Why am I so hurt?

I am Frustrated With Myself

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photo of woman sitting on floor
Photo by Sofia Alejandra on Pexels.com
I am frustrated with myself.
No matter how many times someone builds me up, 
My anxiety and self-doubt creep in.

Most of the time I tell myself that I am not good enough.
That I can’t do this or that,
That everyone else is better than I am.

It can’t be helped, after all these years.
That I would be more confident
But I’m not.

I am afraid.
I am afraid that the people who love me.
That they will grow tired of my doubts.
They will grow tired of giving me affirmations, that I don’t believe
And I will lose them.

I don't want to lose them.
I love them.
I wish I was different.