ramblings

Rebuild and Make it Better

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All destroyed, a tangled mess. 
All forgotten, riffled through as if it was nothing. 
All in shambles, covered in dirt and debris. 

They walk along looking at the wreckage. 
They shake their heads and carry on. 
All that’s left is a dilapidated mess.  

Pick yourself up, they say. 
Start over they say. 
You can do better, they say. 

But what do they know? 
How can they know?  
What am I to do? 

Rebuild but what is that? 
How do you rebuild?
Where do I start? 

Tear it all down. 
A fresh new start. 
Rebuild and search yourself for the truth. 
Rebuild and build it better. 
Make a new life for yourself.  
You can do it! We all can do it! 

Rebuild the friendship you think you lost. 
Reach out to the person who is lost and afraid. 
Rebuild your life and make it anew. 
Nothing is gone forever.  

Make a new life for yourself.  
You can do it! We all can do it!

Before the Sun

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The alarm rings in my ear.
The morning light is still so far away.
I pull my covers over my head and groan.
Another day the same as the rest.
The smell of coffee fills the air.
The warm shower meets me with another groan.

I drive to work the moon greets me for.
The sun has not awoken yet.
Same roads each day,
I sip my coffee as I drive.
Driving in silence as I try to wake.

Each morning more of the same.

The alarm rings in my ear.
The morning light is still so far away.
I pull my covers over my head and groan.

Another day the same as the rest.
The smell of coffee fills the air.
The warm shower meets me with another groan.

I drive to work the moon greets me for,
The sun has not awoken yet.
I sip my coffee as I drive,
Driving in silence as I try to wake.

Each morning more of the same.

The alarm rings in my ear.
The morning light is still so far away.
I pull my covers over my head and groan.

Another day the same as the rest.
The smell of coffee fills the air.
The warm shower meets me with another groan.

I must face today another day.

Thou Shalt Weep No More

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grayscale photo of womans face
Photo by Marina Pechnikova on Pexels.com
Battered, Bleeding, and bruised
My spirit sags as it weeps but
No more
Distressed, lacerated, and mauled
I lay on the floor but
I weep no more

No more shall I weep
No more shall I mourn
A friendship that rots away
As it decays my the promise
Thou Shalt Weep No more

I gave you hope, I gave you trust
Now you scamper off like the
Rat you have proven to be
The cankerous promises
The corrosive lies of
Friendship and devotion

No more shall I weep
No more shall I mourn
A friendship that rots away
As it decays my heart
Thou shalt weep no more

Innocent, pure and unadulterated
Friendship tossed away
As it festers into nothingness.

No more shall I weep
No more shall I mourn
A friendship that rots away
As it decays my heart
Thou Shalt Weep no more

I am free from those
Burdens that lock us in place
I never again will fall prey
To those whose corrode the purity of friendship

No more shall I weep
No more shall I mourn
A friendship that rots away
As it decays my heart
Thou Shalt Weep No more

Until You

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Love was always a puzzling thought. 
An ideal that was absent for most. 
Love was something foreign in my mind. 
Love was lost to me until you. 

Until you, I had no idea what love was. 
Until you, I was selfish and self-centered. 
Until you, love was just an idea. 
Until you, I was selfish and self-centered. 
Until you, love was just a word. 

Love was a common work, But the impact of such love.
I had not known until you. 
You came into my world, 
You knew my voice. 
My heart filled with joy. 

Until you, I had no idea what love was. 
Until you, I was selfish and self-centered. 
Until you, love was just an idea. 
Until you, I was selfish and self-centered. 
Until you, love was just a word. 

You held my finger, 
And I knew love was. 

Changes

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Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash
I see the changes in you. 
It saddens me but you won’t know or care.
Do you feel lost? Do you want to scream? 
Do you see and feel the changes in yourself?

I know we don’t talk anymore;  
I know you don’t want me around. 
But then I see the changes in you and they worry me.

I pray for you, but you will never know.  
I pray that you see the light again.
I pray that you surround yourself with goodness.

Too Young

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Photo by Mathias P.R. Reding on Unsplash
Failure, disappointment and regret.
There is an ache in my heart each time we lose another.
For all that are lost, this despair won’t dissolve.

How could we have done more?
What could I have done?
Why do so many lives end this way? 

The pain and sickening feeling each time I get the news.
Another one lost, and still another. 
What can be done, when so many are lost.

What can we do to stop this?
Too young to be a statistic. 

Worrying and Waiting

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My fingers and feet move constantly as I sit waiting.
I pace back and forth and try not to think of what lies ahead of me. 

When will this be over?
This fear I have inside.
When will I know?
And stop the constant waiting that is eating away my soul. 

I can’t sit still. I have to keep moving. 
Keeping busy, to keep my mind filled.
The dishes, the laundry, vacuuming, anything I can.

My thoughts race to what will happen and I plan for the worst.
I play out scenarios and worry myself even more. 

I find myself constantly checking, every moment I have. 
Still nothing and my heart beats even faster than before. 
How can it take so long? 

I look for results.
I check over and over again.
I keep looking for answers,
My heart can’t handle the unknown.

I pace back and forth.
Fidget in my seat.
Tap my feet and twiddle my thumbs,
But nothing helps me to realize my stress.

The waiting and not knowing.
The waiting and unknown are eating away at me. 
Worrying brings nothing but despair. 

 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:27.

Happy 11th Birthday Baby

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why

Photo by _Mxsh_ on Unsplash

The pit in my stomach never goes away.
I miss you, but I know you are in a better place.
As your birthday comes, each year I cry.
No matter what, I miss you.
No matter how many years go by, you will always be my baby.

Artwork

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I started drawing for a children’s book for my daughter Zelda.   Someone suggested I put them on Deviant art. Please follow me if you have Deviant art and check out the illustrations! The book is already written, but the illustrations are taking longer.  Though I never really drew this way before.

 

Deviant Art

 

ambulance 4atom and foxy

zelda and foxy

42 Years Old

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Today is my birthday. I am 42 years old. 42 is an odd age for me. My mother died when she was 42. So remember tomorrow is not a guarantee. Live life as if it’s your last day. God said the greatest commandment is love. Don’t forget that!