ramblings

Throw My Feelings in the Trash

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trashPhoto by Antoine GIRET on Unsplash

Throw My Feeling in the Trash!

Do my feelings not matter to you?
Do you think you can do what you want?
Screw me, because I don’t matter!
Throw my feelings in the trash and stomp all over them!
 
Did you even think to talk to me?
Did you think I wouldn’t care?
Did you even think of me?
 
I know you didn’t think of me!
I know no one does!
 
It’s better to not expect anything from anyone!
They always disappoint!
I expect too much from people and I am the one who gets hurt.
 
Did you even think to talk to me?
Did you think I wouldn’t care?
Did you even think of me?
 
Throw my feelings in the trash and stomp all over them!

Am I Your Friend

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friend

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

 Am I your friend?
Do you really care about me the way I care about you?
We use the term best friends, but is that just me?
But is that truly what I am to you?
 
Do I think more of you than you think of me?
When my usefulness is gone, will you also leave?
Why do these questions haunt me so?
 
I worry about the future, like an endless sea of doubt. 
Doubting myself and others, will I ever be happy.

Rain

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water drop
Photo by Sourav Mishra on Pexels.com
Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!
As you walk the puddles splash up getting your pants wet.
Despite this, the sounds are soothing.
Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!
Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!
 
Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!
The cold sinking into your clothes as,
It sends shivers down your spine.
Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!
Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!
 
Your lips turned blue, the rain thickens,
Now running down your forehead and into your eyes.
You blink as you wipe your eyes,
Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!
Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!
 
As you return home, the warmth hits you.
A blanket wraps around you as you sit and listen,
To the tap tap of the rain on the roof.
Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!
Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!

Ghost of a Life that is Not Mine

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collection of gray scale photos
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Ghost of a Life That is Not Mine
What have I done wrong,
To keep me from your mind?
Forgotten and left aside,
A memory of one who came before.

A ghost of a life that was not mine.
A memory of one who shares my face.
Lost in an endless tide, reaching but never touching.

Summers in the sun, the surf at our feet.
Summers in the sand, drawing, and laughing.
Summers on the street, bikes and games and more.

A ghost of a life that was not mine.
A memory of one who shares my face.
Lost in an endless tide, reaching but never touching.
 
My childhood lost in a daze
My Innocence long since forgotten
My memories fade away.

A ghost of a life that was not mine
A memory of one who shares my face.
Lost in an endless tide, reaching but never touching.

Deserve to be Happy

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Photo by lucas clarysse on Unsplash

Deserve to be Happy
Tears flow for freely
It's uncontrollable
I can’t stop the pain in my heart.

The world will never be
Sunny and cheerful again
If you are not part of it.
Darkness and gloom cover my existence.

As I gasp for air as I try to be calm.
But nothing calms me as I sit in the dark.
Why have I done the things I have done?
Why am I such a horrible person to hurt you so?

I don’t deserve to be happy.
I don’t deserve love.
But you, you deserve all of this and more.

Invisible

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person s hand touching wall
Photo by Pedro Figueras on Pexels.com
I feel invisible. I am invisible.
As if life is passing me by and no one seems to notice or care.
You run around me asking for help, but my hand you do not see.
 
I am invisible. I am invisible.
You walk right past me as if no one was there.
I am a shadow of the way I was, a body with no host.
You walk right past me as if I was a ghost.
 
I am a shadow of my former self, as I try to hold on to things of the past
A shadow of the life that I used to share.
 
I am invisible. I am invisible.
You walk right past me as if no one was there.
I am a shadow of the way I was, a body with no host.
You walk right past me as if I was a ghost.
 
You walk right past me as if I am nothing.
The tears I shed, go unnoticed as you no longer care.
You walk past me as if I was never there.
Why is my self-worth wrapped up in what you think?
 
I watched everything go by but seeing nothing as nothing is left for me.
Trapped in a box I cannot escape,
The water pulls me under, but you do not see
 
I am invisible, I am invisible
You walk right past me as if no one was there
I am a shadow of the way I was, a body with no host
You walk right past me as if I was a ghost.

Let me be me

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Let me be me
 
Let me wear unmatched socks
Let me sign in the shower
And dance while I'm cooking
 
Let me be me
 
In all my odd behaviors
In all my rash moments
Call me eccentric
Call me odd
Call me anything but let me be me.
 
Let me paint. Let me write
Let me sing and let me dance
Let me make a fool of myself
Let me laugh at myself
 
Let me be me

The Morning

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sea dawn landscape sky
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THE MORNING
The alarm resounds in my head, and I grumble and moan.
It pulls me from my slumber with a start.
My blankets wrapped around me keeping me warm as the cold morning air hits me.

I pull the covers over my head.
It can’t be morning already.
I want to hide from everyone and everything.
Just lay and look up at the ceiling and dream.

I want to hide from the world and pull the blankets closer.
The cold morning air wakes me, but I retreat under the covers.
Never leave the warmth and safety of the bed
Just lay and look up at the ceiling and dream.

I lay alone with all my thoughts,
The quiet in the morning
No one expecting anything from me
In this quiet time, oh the thoughts that come

Alas I must rise, each day the same
Running a race that never ends

Let me pull the covers back over my head.
The race never ends, just to take some days alone with my kids.
No work, no stress, just me and my kids.

42

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42, it rings in my ears at each age
Growing closer at each step
At age 11 it was a distant number
but now sitting at 41, the horror sets in.

An age that was once so far away,
now sits on my doorstep.
Will the same fate befall me?
Will my kids lose everything, all in one day?

One long dreadful day,
It felt like the sun would never rise,
and my heart would never mend.
The hole in my heart and
The despair that I would never
See you again.

All the things you missed.
All the times I needed you.
All the times I tell my kids.
Who you are, so they know,
And love you as much as I do,
But they will never truly know!

Oh, this horrid age,
The despair comes back and the fears.
Will my kids live without me,
As I lived without you.
A mother’s worst fear and a daughter's reality.

Look in the Mirror

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victorian hand mirror on white textile
Photo by Fatih Avci on Pexels.com
Look in the mirror  
And see why no one is talking to you.  
Look in the mirror   
And see you are all alone.  
Look in the mirror  
And see the villain you are.  

There you are waiting for the fallout.  
Sitting at home waiting for the drama to commence.  

Asking if people are crying, hurting or talking about you?  
Again, and again the same old story,  
But no one cares.  

Look in the mirror  
And see why no one is talking to you.  
Look in the mirror   
And see you are all alone.  
Look in the mirror  
And see the villain you are.  

No one cares because you've done it so many times.  

I wish you well,  
But the pain you have caused others  
Is too much to bear.  

You push us away,  
but want us to wallow in self-pity.  
Pushing us aside,  
So many times, I don't care!  
Look in the mirror  
And see why no one is talking to you.  
Look in the mirror   
And see you are all alone.  
Look in the mirror  
And see the villain you are.  

I don't care what you think anymore!  
We are not friends, never were.  
You made people cry and question themselves!  

That is not what friendship is about.  
Sitting at home wondering where we are and who we are talking to!  
But guess what?  
We’re not talking about you.  

You did it so many times,   
That is, don't phase us anymore.  
What I used to cry over;   
The tears have all dried up.  

Look in the mirror  
And see why no one is talking to you.  
Look in the mirror   
And see you are all alone.  
Look in the mirror  
And see the villain you are.  

No more compassion,  
For someone like you.  

You want to be gone from our lives,  
Then be gone for those are your choices not ours.  

You are a coward, and you don't care what you do to others.  
No one needs a friend like that in their life. 
 
Look in the mirror  
And see why no one is talking to you.  
Look in the mirror   
And see you are all alone.  
Look in the mirror  
And see the villain you are.  

You did this to yourself,  
No one did this to you.  
Be the one with no friends.  
For this is the last time,  
I waste a breath on you.  

Look in the mirror  
And see why no one is talking to you.  
Look in the mirror   
And see you are all alone.  
Look in the mirror  
And see the villain you are. Â