Some holidays are harder than others.  
This one seems the hardest.  
I feel alone and scared.  
I turn 42 on Sunday,  
The age my mother died.  
I am frightened, alone and scared.  

I don't need constant reassurances,  
Most of the time.  
But this weekend seems especially hard.  

I want to be surrounded by family but  
There is no one.  
My kids and I eating alone, as we have  
Done for so many years.  
But this year is the hardest by far.