The Walls Tighten

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I write a lot of poems about my mental health. It’s a topic that has been taboo for a long time, but it shouldn’t be. I experience bipolar disorder, and while my ups and downs are shorter than some people with the condition (lasting a few days to a week), they can be very intense. Last night, I had a really bad panic attack, the worst one I’ve had in a long time. Even now, I feel a bit on edge, though not as severely as last night. This is why I like sharing these things about my life: to normalize mental health experiences. By opening up, hopefully others who struggle will feel empowered to seek help and connect with others who understand.

Walls tighten, a vise in disguise,
Air thins, a thief in the night.
My chest constricts, a cage for a prize,
Each breath a desperate fight.

The world shrinks, a tunnel too small,
Sounds distort in a deafening hum.
Thoughts race, a maddening squall,
Leaving reason numb.

Fingers claw, grasping at air,
A primal need, a desperate plea.
Stars prick my vision, a frightening flare,
Is this the end of me?

But a voice, faint in the storm,
Whispers, “Slow down, you’ll be alright.”
A mantra repeated, a weathered norm,
To pull myself back from the night.

Muscles relax, their grip starts to ease,
A shuddering sigh, a sliver of peace.
The world unfurls by gentle degrees,
And the terror begins to cease.

Fragile and shaky, the moment recedes,
Leaving behind an exhaustion profound.
But the memory lingers, a whisper it seeds,
A battleground, hard-fought, yet unbound.

Overwhelming Fear, Irrational Thoughts

Overwhelming fear, irrational thoughts
Like a weight on my chest.
It pushes me down, suffocating my heart,
It sits like a boulder covering my chest. 
I can’t move it, as I hear my heart pounding in my chest. 
Louder and louder, it gets, as it blocks all other thoughts out.

Irrational thoughts and fears.
It squeezes my lungs making my breathing ragged.
Like a hand wrapped around my throat.
I gasp for air trying to scream but nothing comes out

My breathing is ragged.
My thoughts deceive me.
That is all I can think about.
That worry, that fear, it all consumes me. 

A sense of urgency,
A sense of regret.
How did I mess things up so badly?
My thoughts go to the worst things possible.

Overwhelming fear, Irrational thoughts, 
Can’t focus, can’t think.
Overwhelming fear, Irrational thoughts