Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash
Am I Your Friend? Am I your friend? Do you really care about me the way I care about you? We use the term best friends, but is that just me? But is that truly what I am to you? Do I think more of you than you think of me? When my usefulness is gone, will you also leave? Why do these questions haunt me so? I worry about the future, like an endless sea of doubt. Doubting myself and others, will I ever be happy.
Lord, give me the Strength So much time in the day. So much to do and yet so little time. The hours tick away, and yet so much more to do. The guilt I feel, when in don't spend enough time with them. The guilt I feel, when I need to work. The guilt I feel, when I am just too tired to move. Lord, give me the strength to give them the mom they deserve. Work and life, but all I wanted was to be a mom. Feeling lazy and wishing I had more time. More time to spend with them, more to give them. The life I didn't have and the life I want for them. So much time in the day. So much to do and yet so little time. The hours tick away, and yet so much more to do. The guilt I feel, when in don't spend enough time with them. The guilt I feel, when I need to work. The guilt I feel, when I am just too tired to move. Lord, give me the strength to give them the mom they deserve.
And Then There's Me And then there’s me. Watching all of you. And I am left on the side looking on. With no one. Is the way others feel when they are left out. We want to belong so badly and then troubled when we are not. Does jealousy grow or just the feeling and fear of being forgotten? Forgotten Jealous of their happiness but you don't want to be forgotten. You watch the connections growing and you know they are not growing with you. You pray that they would, but you kid yourself You want it more and more, but you can't keep up. You feel you are a failure, and you just don't know what to do. You want to be this person but in truth you are not. You have this picture of yourself in your head, but it is not really you. I want to be the kind of person people come to when they need help. The person who doesn’t get mad, but I see everyone leaving me behind. I am not that person; I am jealous I get angry. I wish I had the connections you have but I don't. I want to scream please, Don't Forget Me but you do, anyway. What the point of saying anything when I say it you push me away more. Because I have already forgotten.
Photo by Antoine GIRET on Unsplash
Throw My Feeling in the Trash! Do my feelings not matter to you? Do you think you can do what you want? Screw me, because I don’t matter! Throw my feelings in the trash and stomp all over them! Did you even think to talk to me? Did you think I wouldn’t care? Did you even think of me? I know you didn’t think of me! I know no one does! It’s better to not expect anything from anyone! They always disappoint! I expect too much from people and I am the one who gets hurt. Did you even think to talk to me? Did you think I wouldn’t care? Did you even think of me? Throw my feelings in the trash and stomp all over them!
Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash
Am I your friend? Do you really care about me the way I care about you? We use the term best friends, but is that just me? But is that truly what I am to you? Do I think more of you than you think of me? When my usefulness is gone, will you also leave? Why do these questions haunt me so? I worry about the future, like an endless sea of doubt. Doubting myself and others, will I ever be happy.
Ghost of a Life That is Not Mine What have I done wrong, To keep me from your mind? Forgotten and left aside, A memory of one who came before. A ghost of a life that was not mine. A memory of one who shares my face. Lost in an endless tide, reaching but never touching. Summers in the sun, the surf at our feet. Summers in the sand, drawing, and laughing. Summers on the street, bikes and games and more. A ghost of a life that was not mine. A memory of one who shares my face. Lost in an endless tide, reaching but never touching. My childhood lost in a daze My Innocence long since forgotten My memories fade away. A ghost of a life that was not mine A memory of one who shares my face. Lost in an endless tide, reaching but never touching.
I feel invisible. I am invisible. As if life is passing me by and no one seems to notice or care. You run around me asking for help, but my hand you do not see. I am invisible. I am invisible. You walk right past me as if no one was there. I am a shadow of the way I was, a body with no host. You walk right past me as if I was a ghost. I am a shadow of my former self, as I try to hold on to things of the past A shadow of the life that I used to share. I am invisible. I am invisible. You walk right past me as if no one was there. I am a shadow of the way I was, a body with no host. You walk right past me as if I was a ghost. You walk right past me as if I am nothing. The tears I shed, go unnoticed as you no longer care. You walk past me as if I was never there. Why is my self-worth wrapped up in what you think? I watched everything go by but seeing nothing as nothing is left for me. Trapped in a box I cannot escape, The water pulls me under, but you do not see I am invisible, I am invisible You walk right past me as if no one was there I am a shadow of the way I was, a body with no host You walk right past me as if I was a ghost.
Let me be me Let me wear unmatched socks Let me sign in the shower And dance while I'm cooking Let me be me In all my odd behaviors In all my rash moments Call me eccentric Call me odd Call me anything but let me be me. Let me paint. Let me write Let me sing and let me dance Let me make a fool of myself Let me laugh at myself Let me be me
THE MORNING
The alarm resounds in my head, and I grumble and moan.
It pulls me from my slumber with a start.
My blankets wrapped around me keeping me warm as the cold morning air hits me.
I pull the covers over my head.
It can’t be morning already.
I want to hide from everyone and everything.
Just lay and look up at the ceiling and dream.
I want to hide from the world and pull the blankets closer.
The cold morning air wakes me, but I retreat under the covers.
Never leave the warmth and safety of the bed
Just lay and look up at the ceiling and dream.
I lay alone with all my thoughts,
The quiet in the morning
No one expecting anything from me
In this quiet time, oh the thoughts that come
Alas I must rise, each day the same
Running a race that never ends
Let me pull the covers back over my head.
The race never ends, just to take some days alone with my kids.
No work, no stress, just me and my kids.
I recently found a new platform for creators. I am just starting to post on it but so far the feedback has been good. I have had more views on this platform than WordPress. I will not be giving up my WordPress but I might try to update both of these sites at the same time. Has anyone had any experience with Ello? I am really excited about this. So many new writers and poets to explore and learn from.
