baby

Silent Whispers Turned to Dread

/ Nancy Ann Creed / Leave a comment
Made by Nancy Ann Creed using Canva.com

Silent Whispers Turned to Dread

A tiny bud, a dream unseen,
Took root within, a verdant sheen.
My body bloomed, a vessel warm,
To nurture life safe from the storm.

But silent whispers turned to dread,
An empty echo where hope once tread.
The fragile bloom began to fade,
A hollow ache, a love betrayed.

Tears fall like rain on barren ground,
A symphony of sobs resound.
My arms reach out, a grasping plea,
For what I held, I cannot see.

The world moves on, a careless beat,
Oblivious to this crushing defeat.
But in my heart, a love remains,
A whispered name, etched in the rains.

Though grief may linger, sharp and cold,
A tiny seed in memory holds.
I’ll learn to dance with loss and pain,
And hope one day, love blooms again.

Blue Blanket

/ Nancy Ann Creed / Leave a comment

A small blue blanket lays on the side of the bed.
Tossed aside with holes and tears.
She used to hold it each night,
But as time moved on the blanket
Fell to the side.

A girl runs into her room in tears
Much older now, she lays on the bed and cries.
In the corner, the little blue blanket lays
Wishing to comfort the little girl.

Lord, give me the Strength

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Photo by Aditya Romansa on Unsplash
Lord, give me the Strength
So much time in the day.
So much to do and yet so little time.
The hours tick away, and yet so much more to do.
The guilt I feel, when in don't spend enough time with them.
The guilt I feel, when I need to work.
The guilt I feel, when I am just too tired to move.

Lord, give me the strength to give them the mom they deserve. 
Work and life, but all I wanted was to be a mom.
Feeling lazy and wishing I had more time.
More time to spend with them, more to give them.
The life I didn't have and the life I want for them.

So much time in the day.
So much to do and yet so little time.
The hours tick away, and yet so much more to do.
The guilt I feel, when in don't spend enough time with them.
The guilt I feel, when I need to work.
The guilt I feel, when I am just too tired to move.

Lord, give me the strength to give them the mom they deserve.

Ghost of a Life that is Not Mine

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collection of gray scale photos
Photo by Fancycrave.com on Pexels.com
Ghost of a Life That is Not Mine
What have I done wrong,
To keep me from your mind?
Forgotten and left aside,
A memory of one who came before.

A ghost of a life that was not mine.
A memory of one who shares my face.
Lost in an endless tide, reaching but never touching.

Summers in the sun, the surf at our feet.
Summers in the sand, drawing, and laughing.
Summers on the street, bikes and games and more.

A ghost of a life that was not mine.
A memory of one who shares my face.
Lost in an endless tide, reaching but never touching.
 
My childhood lost in a daze
My Innocence long since forgotten
My memories fade away.

A ghost of a life that was not mine
A memory of one who shares my face.
Lost in an endless tide, reaching but never touching.

Happy 11th Birthday Baby

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why

Photo by _Mxsh_ on Unsplash

The pit in my stomach never goes away.
I miss you, but I know you are in a better place.
As your birthday comes, each year I cry.
No matter what, I miss you.
No matter how many years go by, you will always be my baby.

I give up on sleep!

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I give up on sleep!

I give up on sleep.  I have tried and failed.  My son Van is up every two hours to eat.  He sleeps a lot during the day, which is frustrating because he sister is up all day.  This makes for one tired mommy.  I was breastfeeding up until a few days ago.  During this time, I walked through life like a zombie.  In dire need of caffeine, I decided to go to formula.  Now I was going to go to formula soon anyway, because I won’t be able to breast feed while at work, but this is a little earlier than I planned on.  I feel bad, because I know that breast milk is the best for the baby, but I was not able to pay attention to anything else.

 Despite the long nights, that beast feeding had to offer, it takes a toll on your body as well.  I could not figure out why I was so tired.  I know people who have gone back to work right after having a baby and I can’t figure out how they do it.  My husband told me, that most people do not have c-section.  He said, “They inflicted a mortal wound on you, and then they stitched you up and gave you a baby to take care of.  So you are healing, and breast feeding.” 

Now that I am using formula, my husband can help me feed Van a little but.  Honestly, it is still mostly me.  At least I can have coffee now!  My daughter has also been very mommy needy lately.  I feel bad that I can’t give her all the attention she wants.  I know that she has to get used to it, but today I was feeding Van and Zelda was screaming.  She was just screaming for attention, but it made mommy very sad.  How am I going to do this when I go back to work?  I don’tI have the option to stay home, which would be awesome if I did have that option.  I carry the family health insurance, and needless to day, we need the money.  I have decided not to go back to my part-time job.  I haven’t told them yet.  By not working there, it will give me some extra time with the kids. 

Okay well it is five in the morning and the baby is up.  Time for mommy to make some coffee.


Baby Van part II

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BABY VAN PART II
December 15, 2010 at 6:44pm
As I said last night, the ultrasound tech said that everything was good.  Baby looked good, he is about 6 pounds, and everything was good.  He only mentioned that there was enough ambiotic fluid and that it was on the high side, but I got a call from the doctor today saying that there was too much fluid.  So I am not sure what this means.  She said he has too big of a swimming pool.  Therefore, I am going for blood work tomorrow to test my blood sugar levels and they are sending me to fetal maternal medicine.  Therefore, I panic again but then when they call with my appointment they say January 5!  What!  If it was that important, why wait?  I have a regular appointment tomorrow so maybe I can learn more but I have never heard of having too much fluid.  Has this happened to anyone else?

Baby Van

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Baby Van

BABY VAN

December 14, 2010 at 4:14pm
Yesterday I felt like my water was breaking.  I called my doctor and they told me to come to the hospital. I am 34 weeks pregnant with my second child and I had a c-section with my first one.  While at the hospital they hooked me up to monitors and saw that I was having contractions. they later gave me an iv of fluids and did several tests.  They decided that I had a UTI and gave me a prescription.  However they also noticed that my baby’s heart beat had dropped at several places.  Oddly enough the hospital does not do ultrasounds at night so I was sent home.  My doctor has scheduled me for an ultrasound for tonight. I am worried.  Why would I have contractions? I didn’t really feel them, just uncomfortable.  Could the cord be bugging the baby? Could he be pulling on it or could it be around his neck? My husband thinks that they would not have sent me home if there was something wrong, but I thought that they didn’t want to worry me. If they could not do an ultrasound why keep me. Any thoughts?

C-SECTION OR A VAGINAL AFTER A C-SECTION

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C-SECTION OR A VAGINAL AFTER A C-SECTION

November 6, 2010 at 4:44pm
My husband and I are trying to decide what we should do.  He seems okay with leaving the decision up to me but I am not sure what I want to do.  I know that there are dangers with c-sections and with VACS (vaginal after c-section), I had a c-section with my daughter in October of 2009, and now I am due Jan. 24 2011.  I know that they are close and I am not sure if this effects the decision or not.  My doctor told me that if I want to have more kids then I should do I VACS, but she also said that I could have 3 c-sections.  I know people how have had 3 or even 4.  I am just not sure if I can put my baby’s life in danger so that I can have the chance to have more kids in the future.  I am not even sure which is better.  I want to know what is healthier for my baby.  Any suggestions?
 
A section will be scheduled.  This will help with Devin’s job and with the logistics of my cousin watching Zelda.  I won’t be in labor as I was with Zelda and even then, I had to have a c-section.  This time they cannot induce me as they did with Zelda.  I will get more time off work and I have been told that you heal much more quickly with the second c-section then you did with the first.  There are risks with a c-section because it is still asurgery, but if scheduled I could chose my doctor and everything will be ready, unlike an emergency c-section.  If I have a C-section, I can only have c-sections after that.
 
If I have a vaginal delivery, I can have more children and I won’t be stuck to having a c-section.  After a successful Vaginal, you can have more vaginal deliveries.  I won’t be in as much pain after as I was with the c-section.  I have also opted to have an epidural.  The doctors said that this would make it easier if I have to have an emergency c-section because they can just put more medicine in and not have to worry about setting that up.  If I have a vaginal delivery if would be when Van is ready to come, so he would have more time in the womb. C-sections are usually schedules a week or two weeks before your due date, so that you do not go into labor before hand. I am worried that he will not be ready.
This may all sound silly, but I am sure the doctors know what they are doing.  I would just like to know what other thought and what they have done.